Right after the first time we had sex, he said, “There’s something called ‘queer sex’, right?” And I nodded (am I an expert?). “I think we just had it,” a pause, but not too long, “there were moments in there where I thought you were a man.”
I take this to mean that I move my body like I own it, and that I’m not afraid to top.
A few times later, I imagined that he was a woman. I did this on purpose, to see how my body would move differently (which it did) and to see if I felt more powerful (which I did). After I told him, “There were moments when I imagined you were a woman.” And he heard me and listened and then said, “To be honest, that makes me uncomfortable.”
On the one hand: Yes to honesty! This stuff is difficult and it takes real honesty to do anything like freedom.
On the other hand: What is it about Woman that makes you cringe? Can you love a woman enough to sex her well, if you’re secretly saying thank you lord that I am not one? When I say I imagined you as a woman, what in you felt threatened?