“Queer” Guys

“Queer” Guys

Guys try to pick me up by telling me they’re queer. [This happens all the time. All the time. All the time.] When I was 23 (and 24 and 25 and 26 and . . .) I used to think that was kinda hot. Ah, they see me, I thought in that way that I do when I’m hungry to be taken seriously and scared that I never will be.

But I am aging out of my Amateur Hour (thank the holy heavens) and I now I’m trying this on for size…a guy can’t call himself queer unless he’s craving to suck some dick [1].


Don’t get me wrong, a guy doesn’t need to actually suck dick, or have sucked dick, or even necessarily plan to suck dick. I get it, people are in all sorts of complicated relationship contortions that make it impossible for dick sucking to happening. But a dude’s gotta crave it.


Here is a list of things I will no longer accept from “queer” guys, now that I am no longer in my Amateur Hour:

  • “I kissed a guy once at a party.”
  • “I’m queer cause I’m poly [unsaid: exclusively with ciswomen].”
  • “I’ve never made out with a guy, but I’d like to.” [Continues to exclusively date ciswomen, some of whom are queer]


Dear readers, this is a new one. What do you think?

[1] Queer guys don’t have to be cis, nor do they have to crave sexy time with other cis dudes. ‘Dick’ here is really dick, but it can be a stand in for any kind of queer sexual desire. However, dick =/= sexual desire for a cis woman (even if she’s queer af).

Queer Sex with a Straight Dude

Queer Sex with a Straight Dude

Right after the first time we had sex, he said, “There’s something called ‘queer sex’, right?” And I nodded (am I an expert?). “I think we just had it,” a pause, but not too long, “there were moments in there where I thought you were a man.”

I take this to mean that I move my body like I own it, and that I’m not afraid to top.

A few times later, I imagined that he was a woman. I did this on purpose, to see how my body would move differently (which it did) and to see if I felt more powerful (which I did). After I told him, “There were moments when I imagined you were a woman.” And he heard me and listened and then said, “To be honest, that makes me uncomfortable.”


On the one hand: Yes to honesty! This stuff is difficult and it takes real honesty to do anything like freedom.

On the other hand: What is it about Woman that makes you cringe? Can you love a woman enough to sex her well, if you’re secretly saying thank you lord that I am not one? When I say I imagined you as a woman, what in you felt threatened?